


Blurred

by InkyKinky



Series: At Night in the Morning [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol, Fluff, M/M, jeanmarco
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-18
Updated: 2014-11-18
Packaged: 2018-02-26 04:58:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2638904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkyKinky/pseuds/InkyKinky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘Who the <i>fuck</i> is there at <i>THREE IN THE MORNING</i>?!’ Marco heard a voice in the house’s intercom next to the bell buttons. It was Jean’s. Marco had to smile while suddenly realizing what that actually meant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blurred

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when I actually wanna write silly, nonsesical smut. Yeah.
> 
> my [tumblr](http://inkykinky.tumblr.com) and [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/inky_thoughts)

_Oh gosh._

This was _such_ a _stupid_ idea and _how on earth_ could he even think this was something _to act after_? Marco worried on his lip, cheeks pressed against cool glass to calm him down a bit.

He never had had this feeling before, this goddamn urge, and it was a pain in his chest if he could not fulfil it this very moment. Well, not quite, he had just never have been drunk enough for this. The feeling he also knew far too well.

By now it was too late anyway, his fingers had pushed the button, and he heard a distant ring in one of the flats. _Stupid, stupid, stupid–_

‘Who the _fuck_ is there at _THREE IN THE MORNING_?!’ Marco heard a voice in the house’s intercom next to the bell buttons. It was Jean’s. Marco had to smile while suddenly realizing what that actually meant.

‘‘llo J-jshan, ‘s Marco ‘m sorry,’ he muttered into the speaker, not half as drunk as he sounded, but Jean didn’t have to know about that.

_No. Not according to this ... plan._

‘M-marco?’ Jean’s anger calmed down, now revealing the sleepiness he actually carried in his voice, ‘What are you doin’ here? It’s like, three in the mornin’, are you _drunk_?’

Marco nodded, soon noticing that Jean couldn’t see him through the intercom.

‘Ye-yes,’ he murmured in a slightly raspy voice, the cool glass from the front door keeping him barely awake.

‘Fucking lucky bastard that my parents are at Aunt Trudie’s. Now get your freckled sorry arse up here, you dork.’

The door’s lock opened, and Marco almost hit the floor since he still leaned against it. He had a grip on the stairs’ handrail, and without much effort he climbed the stairs up to Jean’s ... _flat, it was flat_.

The other boy stood there in the doorframe, with nothing but an old band-shirt and a pair of boxers, rings under his eyes, and squinting. Marco shot him a derpy grin. _Now, this was his time, he could make it, he wouldn’t have to hide, if things turned out badly he just could play it off on the alcohol._

‘H-hey,’ was all he could blur out, and the next thing he remembered was pressing his lips against Jean’s. As soon as either participant processed what just happened, they froze, Marco’s mind being fogged by too many sweet cocktails Sasha had persuaded him to drink and therefore needing significantly longer than his friend’s.

 _This is awful, this is so wrong, oh gosh what did I even think_ – Marco broke the kiss, if this was even able to be called that way, gasping.

‘‘m so sorry, ‘s all my fault, gosh ‘m too hamm’d for this, ‘m so sorry, Jean, I–’

‘You are fucking drunk, Bodt,’ Jean noted coolly.

_Jean hates me. This was not how it should’ve gone, no, this was not supposed to happen –_

Marco leaned in for another kiss. He knew this all was too wrong, and if Jean just slapped him – but he did not, and Marco felt his eyes heating up, tears running down in streams, dripping from his chin, his jaw-line; and Jean didn’t break the kiss either, he didn’t make this horrible nightmare stop, he just went with it and let Marco kiss him and it was awful in a way of forced luck.

Jean deepened the kiss, Marco felt fingers on him, tugging at his scarf, at the zipper of his jacket, pulling him inside and closing the door. Their lips didn’t leave each other once.

Everything was blurred, the freckled boy barely remembered how they ended up in Jean’s room, how did he lose his shoes –

‘I’m so sorry,’ Marco whispered as soon as Jean parted their lips, more and more tears ran down freckled cheeks, but Jean pulled him down on his lap and softly kissed the sensitive neck of Marco’s.

‘No,’ he murmured repeatingly, ‘no, don’t,’ while laying the brunet’s chest bare.

Marco did not know what to do. _What was this? Was this his friend? Did he want that too? Or did he do this just for him, just this once because Marco felt so weird and wrong and horrible?_

‘N-no, don’ do that,’ he muttered, trying to back off but Jean kept him in place, ‘don’ do that for me.’

‘I don’t.’

Jean cupped the other’s head. The world was so silent. Why was it so – so _empty_? Marco felt more tears flooding his eyes.

‘I’ll stop if _you_ don’t want it.’

This felt so dry. Why couldn’t they just back-paddle? Marco, despite being the taller one of the two, felt so incredibly small and worthless.

‘Tell me ‘m wrong.’ Marco was tired. _Just hold me and tell me everything’s going to be alright. Tell me that you just want to be friends and that we’ll just forget this because I’m horribly drunk. Call me out on ruining everything. You cannot want this. You cannot want this too._

‘No.’ Jean stared him dead in the eye, dark brown ones widening in panic. ‘I fucking don’t.’

Marco shook his head, nuzzling his face into Jean’s crook as far as he would let him.

‘I’m so sorry Jean,’ he sobbed. All his thinking process was shut down, and he really just wanted to save what was left in those ruins, ‘please don’t hate me.’

‘I love you.’ It was a mere whisper.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Marco repeated himself, like a broken record. He didn’t know what else to say.

‘I love you,’ Jean now muttered against Marco’s lips before kissing him softly, and he didn’t get tired of saying this with every kiss on wet, freckled cheeks that followed.

Marco felt so ashamed.

Ashamed that Jean tried to genuinely mean the words he said, and yet he couldn’t believe him. This happened to _other_ people, that was the _exception_ , but it would never happen to _him_. Marco was drunk and Jean was tired, how could any of this be real, how could this be genuine, how could Jean love him back just like that – it had to be impossible.

‘I’m so sorry’ seemed to be the only words Marco knew anymore, muttering them after every one of Jean’s ‘I love you’s.

But Jean hold him tight and steady, not letting him go or pushing him away.

At some point they fell silent, white noise wrapping around them, only broken by the freckled boy’s occasional sniffles. Marco leaned into the other boy, his head heavy from crying and alcohol, and after his sobs died out he fell asleep, with Jean’s scent in his nose.

 

The warmth around Marco felt so comfortable, soft skin against freckled cheeks, and Marco dreaded to open his eyes as he felt slim lips pressed against his temple.

‘I love you.’

Marco wanted this to be real so bad, yet if it was, he would deny it as much as he could because this wasn’t supposed to be real.

Cold fingers traced patterns on Marco’s bare shoulder, and the freckled boy shifted closer, nuzzling his head into an old band-shirt with way too much of Jean’s scent.

‘I’m sorry,’ was the first thing that came from his lips in a sleepy murmur, a bit raspy and broken and yet so clear for Jean to hear.

‘Don’t be,’ replied the other, cupping Marco’s head with one hand, smiling sympathetically as the freckled boy blinked at him. He caressed the right cheek of the boy who was so dear to him, and there it was – a gentle, loving kiss, the first one they shared when Marco didn’t shed a single tear and cried for what they lost; instead he was smiling about what he was given, and genuinely happy about it.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok this is some weird drabble, don't hate me.
> 
> my [tumblr](http://inkykinky.tumblr.com) and [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/inky_thoughts)


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